Get Out of My Way
I’m sure I’ve been annoyed by this in the past (since lots of weird, mostly pointless things annoy me), but this week it’s been especially prevalent. Let’s say I’m walking down the hallway at work, or an aisle at the local grocery store…suddenly, my quick, progressive walk is reduced to a mere crawl. Much like driving during rush hour on I-696, I’m stuck. The cause of said slowdown?
Large, slow moving fat people, that’s who. Abbreviated to LSMFP, these individuals are a daily nuisance to getting things done. They slow down the progress of individuals who are trying to get somewhere in a reasonable time frame. I understand that it hurts when your thighs rub together, but get out of my way.
Instead of only complaining about LSMFP, I’m going to offer some solutions, as follows:
- Guess what? LOSE WEIGHT!!!!
- Much like the HOV lanes on highways, why not create LSMFP lanes in stores, workplaces, and public areas?
- Grocery stores can appropriately organize their products. For instance: Twinkies, ice cream, and candy can all be located in one aisle. That way when I shop for the healthy food I buy, they are not in my way.
- Create a heavy crane system with multiple arms that carry the LSMFP around inside a store or workplace and only set them down when they need to be somewhere. Then the crane picks them up (out of my way), and moves them to their next destination.
I think these solutions would appropriately address the proliferation of LSMFP and help reduce traffic jams caused by them. You can thank me later.
